Good Game.. to my future...

It will come to some point of time tat everyone realise tat this is wad going to happen to their rest of their life..

DAmn.. mine seems to come abit early..

A little self indulgence..

November.. woopie .. my bday is coming soon..
Got myself a bday present wif some popular voucher :)
It's as good as free hehe ..
Maybe i should hav sold the vouchers for some cash
but anyway... it doesn't matter anyway..

Hmm.. if i were to describe myself..
i would say.. i'm a more pathetic version of spongbob .. lol

Life of a failure...

I considered myself a failure comparing wif others and wad they can achieve..
Why am i a failure?? becos i'm not some spastic child who cannot think or live on their own..

Coming from an insane family.. i dun think it could be called a family..
It was never a family.. i never realli had a father.. onli my mum and mi..
yet, i'm sort of tortured and fed..by my mum.. should i still call her mother ? maybe monster..

Even thou she took care of mi.. i think it was merely out of guilt.. maybe..
sometimes i wish i had jumped out of the window when i was younger when i dun know
how tough the real world can be. i would hav died in peace..

Up till now.. when i reach home.. i would rather called it a hotel.. it's juz a place to bath eat and sleep.. No family time.. no tv.. no home cooked food for 15 years..
I try to learn to cook.. but for who, for whom..
I yean for someone whom i can confide myself to.. but none..
everytime i try to converse wif my mum.. we would quarrel..
I need to get a job.. earn lots of money .. pay back all the money my mum used on mi..
and live on my own..
I could no longer stand her..
i could no longer stand myself..

I had no jobs, no money no gf, no future.. even thou i prayed and prayed tat this ITE thingy would of be my sometype of future bought mi empty hope..
I myself could not even stand my own broken english.. tat i tried to stop using them..


Maybe i should hav juz go ahead and jump..
Some of the reasons why i did not commit sucide..
Jumping down from hdb flats--i'm afraid of heights.
Taking pills---i dun know how to swallow..
Let car bang-- wad if i dun die?
Jump the ocean-- wad if i regret and swim back..
cutting wrist-- i think the blood would clot before i lose enough blood

See how much of a failure i am?? i don't even dare to kill myself..

Life sux....
i'm juz a stupid piece of shit tat worth no comments..
I'm seriously useless...
Maybe if there is a legal way to die, my organs are the onli worthy parts.. at least for ppl who want to live..
God bless mi.. let mi die in my sleep..

I'm so sad

Why am i sad ??
All these years, i never dare to make my own choices..
Living on wif other ppl ideas and their way of life..
When it became a bad move.. i grumble and i move on..
Blaming myself each time.. why did i not make my own choice..

For the past 1 an 1/2 years.. i thought i was working towards something,
although small not like other ppl wif major achivements. I was contented
and hopeful for a some wat decent normal life i'm building and getting..

My hopeful world came crushing..when i realize tat it is not some wat it
would be like, a slightly better pay and working condition..
It would juz be like any other jobs wif abt the same pay...
Any way.. higher pay means , health hazard, working hazard and odd working hours.

If i did not enroll to ITE.. 2 years down the road working full time...
I might be getting higher pay than what i'm going to get now..
and saved quite a bit of money and cpf..

Life is full of mistakes...
Its okay to make mistakes as long as u dun make the same ones again..
You wouldn't hav a chance to make the same ones becos time flys
and it never turn back to give u a chance to remake 1 ..

Life is abt being perfect..
Only the perfect are fit to live and survive..
Too bad .. i can't restart myself..

I forgot...i forgot...

I forgot.. tat i'm only an acquaintance to u...
I forgot.. tat u'll only follow ur friends..
I forgot.. tat u'll stupidly follow rules..
I forgot.. tat i'm juz a stupid shit tat love ur ass..
I forgot.. tat even u called mi a friend, i never came to ur mind when there are things to share..
I forgot.. tat man are selfish.. so r u ..
I forgot.. tat no matter how much i did for you.. u'll never think of mi..
I forgot.. tat even tat i had ask u for help.. you would hav told mi u forgot..
I forgot.. tat i should remind myself so tat i will not forget..........................................................
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I forgot.. tat stupid idiot will always remain stupid idiot as leadership would become leadershit..
I forgot.. tat retards always remain retards..
I forgot.. tat one should always depend on urself becos ppl onli help u becos of something..

I try to forget u .. and the rest of the shits and retards i've known and will try to remember not to get pissed off when retards acting retarded and idiots being stupids becos they are wad they are...NO one can change them .. Some ppl are juz born so damn FUCKING STUPID !!!

Industrial Attachment ?? Bull SHIT EAT DUST...

Not too long ago, a very charismatic positive yoyo came to class/lecture to give a prep talk , motivation , moral boost talk abt our future. Things tat are going to happen in a months time..

IT talk abt IA placements (industrial attachment), abt studying hard getting good attendence and results and they will send student to good company ..
IT tells us tat, they (the hardworking lecturers) managed to get a multi national company a F&F(food and flavor) --ranking top 5 in the world hor.. in fact it was ranked 3rd(one of the manager say one).
IT told us The F&F company is willing to take in some of the It's the end students for attachment.
IT told us how good the company was.. ppl work in there dun wan to quit..wad we learn would be put to good use..

I WOULD SAY ALL OF TAT IS FUCKING BULL SHIT !!!!
Generally we/students are laboratory trained..
--equipment wise we are up to date trained..
--technical wise we learn onli the basics....

The story goes on... 4 of the students (including me) were selected for an interview by a FF company. We went there shortly after a phone interview ( imagine phone interview... huh wtf)
for a visit/ tour on their (factory).
The tour was interesting/educational as i think most of us would never have a chance to see wads happening in those factories..
As the tour goes on .. we realize tat there was no lab work involved..
(this is where the climax comes in )
We were further taken to another factory tat deals wif fragrance( previously flavor ) for a tour.
The manager/supervisor( i dunno) was straight and blant (an a fucking asshole). He asked us where are we from, courses tat we study wad hav we learnt etc..(damn i thought some of us are gonna work for them? ) And he told us straight in the face.. "i dunno why are u all here.. what u hav learnt in ur sch, has totalli nothing to do with wad we are going to let u guys do; When u guys get back, u realli should think for urself and ask if this is the place u would wan to get attached to? will u benefit anything from it ? ; I would gladly take in u guys becos i need manpower."(so wad are we now ? cheap labour?? need to work from 8.30am to 5.30pm hor for around 400$+- )
He brought us around the factory.. and he promptly ask.. wad does ITE stands for.. we told him tat it stands for Institute of technical education..he said no.. dunno last time wad show got say ITS THE END..
By then.. all strength and spirit is gone...
We left the factory wif a shattered soul.. running nose and an odor tat even penetrate to the socks...

ITE .. is it realli the end?? damn tat fellow for publicizing IT's the end...

Disclaimer :The above story is truly friction, all names and events tat resembles any event or ppl is purely coincidental...

Phone interview.... Wth ?? lol..

Coming to the end of the course and the topic of the month i suppose is getting a good IA placement..
IA = Industrial Attachment..

There are realli some classmates that i would like to tick them off but i did not becos i'm afraid of getting bad kama..
some of them kept moaning tat they are not getting any ia placement..
some of them kept on saying how good their placement are...

It's so damn easy to get a placement man...
juz be present for sch everyday and pass every subject..
wads so hard abt tat?

Juz come to sch and sleep lar...
listen to the teachers when the test is coming soon and i assure u, u will get at least 60% for ur test..
most of them are O lvls failures.. and yet their results are worst than those of Normal tech students..
no time to study due to work ?? Pls loh the top student in our class hav a cca and a job and still get a gpa of 3.9..

No one is born genius... but u can choose to be an idiot..
prove urself worthly .. at least wif ur attendance and punctuality.